I don’t want to sound dramatic but it did! Just before my daughter was born my husband returned home from deployment. His PTSD was a bit intense. So when our beautiful baby girl was born I placed myself on the “back burner”. Back burner is putting it lightly. Let’s be honest, I put myself snuggly back in the freezer to be taken care of much, much later. Our daughter had Jaundice. She was on the bili lights 24/7. Hospital visits every other day for more tests, trying to do all the normal upkeep of home and family, trying to heal my body from an intense delivery… 3 weeks later I was exhausted in ways I didn’t know was possible. Trying to be supportive of my husband while taking care of a newborn and a dog meant most days were gone and night would come with growing darkness. I was depressed…REALLY depressed. I didn’t realize how bad till we had a scare that almost cost us everything.

My husband, in his wisdom, told me to go to the craft store. I could spend whatever I wanted (I never went over the top so that was something he didn’t need to worry about) but that I was to come home with a project to do that night. So I bought some paints and wood projects and began imagining what my Cricut could do. Over the next few weeks I would carry on with my days and when I was “supposed to be sleeping when the baby sleeps” at night I painted. Little by little I began to wake from my nightmare. I started to feel like myself again.

My Husband got the counseling he needed through the VA and I started a long journey of healing through creation. Years later I still craft and paint, I still love my Cricut cutting machines and I still find healing when crafting. There are still days of mental struggle but the darkness is much easier to get through knowing that I have light coming and that I made it through some tough times. Now I’m not saying that I didn’t need help other than crafting because I did and still do but creating, running, reading, writing, whatever your passion(s), they are meant to bless our lives and in my life they have blessed my life in a vastness that I was not expecting.

We don’t exist in this life just to exist. We are capable of amazing things! So expand your skills, learn new hobbies, explore new worlds and try new things! Who knows you might find something else you’re good at!

Much Love,

Amy Lou

If there is a life and death scenario that involves me saving a life with my crochet skills we are in trouble. I am really good at the single chain. Correction, I am really good at turning drawstrings, spare yarn or any other loose yarn like material in to a single chain. Add a hook to that and I am up a creek!

I recently took a flight across country and was mesmerized by the passenger sitting diagonal from me. She was knitting away. (Yes I know there is a huge difference between knitting and crocheting). I am 90% sure every flight I’ve been on has had someone knitting or crocheting during the flight. They don’t even have to pay extra attention to it! They just go! I am always awed by the skill and talent that goes into those hands of speed!

Now comes the sad part…amigurumi. Yep! I think it’s ADORABLE! I have a few books on how to make these little animals of joy and I have yet to be able to do it. I’ve had friends show me/teach me, I’ve watched videos, I’ve read books and magazines on it. Every time I see one of the amigurumi the fire ignites again inside. I have got to learn how to do it! I have yet to conquer this skill. I’m not giving up though. It’s still my goal to be able to crochet.

You shouldn’t give up either. Whatever you want to achieve keep working at it! If you don’t have a goal maybe now is a good time to set one! Keep your goals simple.

1. Specific- Set specific goals. For example if your goal is to get healthy you could set a goal to “Eat four servings of vegetables a day”.
2. Measurable- Using the example of getting healthy, eating veggies everyday measuring servings or the types of veggies. Like “Eat four servings of green vegetables a day”.
3. Attainable- Keep your goals within reach. Making small steps keeps you motivated and moving forward to allow you to reach those goals.
4. Relevant- Keep your steps for your goal relevant to the goal set. Absolutely you can have more than one goal at a time but if I’m already eating 4 servings of veggies a day-that’s not relevant to a new goal.
5. Time-Based-Do it for a month, a year, 2 weeks easy. Other goals will have a “deadline” or time hack. Make sure you make everyday count. It’s ok to have set backs. Don’t let those throw you off course. You’ve got this!

Much Love,

Amy Lou

To everyone that taught me, inspired, or challenged me in the world of dance, Thank you!

My daughter is fully immersed in the dancer’s world. Her creativity shines through in her talent of dance.

Of course this causes me to ponder what I can do to make her dance life better. Adorable tote bags, custom costume bags, breathable shoe bags…all of it. So I’m creating patterns that make these items accessible to everyone. (I’m also noticing a theme-bags!)

When she went on pointe I knew the cost and intensity would increase. Her commitment would need to be there as well. Thankfully her passion has pushed her to reach her goals of becoming a ballerina on pointe. I still remember her eyes lighting up when the ballerinas danced across the floor. From the moment she saw them she dreamed of one day dancing on pointe. Now several years later, here we are. A supportive (if not exhausted mom of a dancer) and a girl living her dream on pointe.

So to all of you that have goals that seem unattainable, use her as your example. Push through the pain and the hard times. Make every day count towards that progress of becoming or doing what you want to do. It’s the choices we make everyday that dictate whether or not we reach our goals!

Much Love,

Amy Lou

I few years ago I had a break down. A self destructive bout that left me grasping for any form of mercy and hoping that those I loved weren’t giving up on me just yet. I needed help. I couldn’t pretend any longer. I had therapy/counseling in years past but I was walking the same dark path and taking those I love with me. 

Step 1 Recognizing I needed help.

Step 2 Asking for help.

Step 3 Following through with that help. 

Sounds simple enough right? Wrong! It took me 3 months to see my MD and get help with prescriptions. 

It took another 3 months to find a therapist that had an opening, seemed like a good fit, and then of course the courage to make the appointment and GO. 

That first appointment I was so sick to my stomach that I walked in to the doors of the building, only to find myself still in the car. I took a deep breath and forced myself to walk in. paranoid that people would know why I was there I rushed through the lobby, glanced at the suite numbers and hurriedly climbed the stairs to the office. Upon entering I took a deep breath and relaxed only to see a familiar face behind the desk. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This is supposed to be anonymous. I shouldn’t have to admit to an acquaintance that I needed help.  Then all the paperwork, followed by payments, signatures and more paperwork. 

No my insurance would not be covering it. 

Yes I know I need to pay up front. 

Yes I am who you think I am. 

Yes I am the one that did the embroidery work for you this summer. Yep. We DO go to the same church. 

Yep this is awkward. (Side note-She was an absolute charm and was only ever kind and compassionate -also discrete). 

At the beginning of my session, Dr. Reynolds asked me why I was there. Uh…I don’t know. Could we maybe talk about fun socks instead? Or why baby elephants are so adorable? We don’t really need to talk about how horrible of a person I am. That I can’t control my anxiety, PTSD, depression, panic attacks, nightmares, numbness. I would much rather talk about pandas. 

So naturally I opened my mouth and started crying. I don’t know what Dr. Reynolds heard through those tears but I know he heard me. I could see it in his eyes. I didn’t want to share with him the horrors that I have lived through. I didn’t want someone else to feel that pain, to carry that burden. It was okay because I was broken. I didn’t need to break him too with my past. With my inability to be strong enough. 

Foot note here-In years past I would do all the recommended sessions with my previous therapists and “graduate” with tools and a positive outlook on my future. Those tools have definitely helped me along the way but when life changes so do our needs. Dr. Reynolds wasn’t letting me off the hook. I would leave those sessions emotionally drained. I would process with my husband what I needed to and gradually week by week I allowed myself to change.

After 15 months of counseling with Dr. Reynolds I wanted to do something for him and his family that would help them understand and feel the gratitude that I have for the change that happened during that time. Because I truly was changed for the better. Yep-still have a ways to go-but I am more me than I have ever allowed myself to be. I finally understood why people love butterflies. I’ve always thought they were beautiful in flight. As a child I thought they were magical but when I found out that touching their wings can make it impossible for them to take flight again I only saw that weakness. For the first time I understood the metaphor of a butterfly. 

It requires work, self-care, more work and strength to become a butterfly. Not everyone will understand its beauty, its flight pattern or its life cycle but it is none the less a beautiful creature created by a loving Father in Heaven. 

So I made a quilt, intent on giving it to Dr. Reynolds and his family. As I was finishing the final embroidery square I accidently cut-quite deeply I might add-into the quilt. I still have that quilt top. Not quite finished. Could this be a metaphor of my therapy sessions? Possibly! But maybe it’s an opportunity to learn how to fix what I can and let go of the rest. I DO know how to fix that hole in my quilt. And in the coming months, I’ll teach you too. 

Dr. Reynolds taught that it’s okay to put myself out there. To be me and fight for what matters most. So I put this post out there because I am who I am. I’m not going to be perfect and that’s okay. Hopefully I have a few more decades to work on my metamorphosis.

Much Love,

Amy Lou

Creating is a glorious way to express yourself. It’s a way to share a bit of who you are. Some people like to create in their gift giving. Showing love through time and talents is their way to show love to others.

Though homemade gifts speak to some, others would prefer to receive money, gift cards or a high five. If you happen to be one of the lucky ones to receive such a gift, receive it with grace and gratitude. As one that has pulled more than a few all nighters finishing a homemade gift the joy that comes from an excited recipient…Man that is THE BEST!

Shortly before my in-laws wedding anniversary I decided to make them a memory quilt out of denim squares. I then embroidered memories from their courtship, family vacations, likes, loves, important dates…you get the idea. Then in the empty squares I embroidered leaves to symbolize a family tree. I was nervous to give it to them. What if they didn’t like it? When I gave it to them I told them it was a picnic blanket (denim squares remember?) That was my intention from the start. When they opened it, no-one said ANYTHING! ANYTHING! I was mortified! I quickly told them it was a picnic blanket so they would understand my intention. Then they looked up from the package…with tears in their eyes. They LOVED the quilt, baulked at the idea of it being used as a picnic blanket and to this day it is moved around the house on a large curtain rod, a family heirloom for all that come to the house to see.

Then there are those moments when homemade gifts aren’t received quite so well…I try not to set myself up for failure but I definitely have them.

A few rules I’ve given myself:

1. If the gift isn’t complete, I don’t give it.
2. If the gift isn’t the right fit (in my opinion), I don’t give it.
3. If a few homemade gifts are poorly received by the same person I go back to more simple or purchased gifts.
4. If I don’t have the mental or emotional energy I don’t stress about doing homemade.
5. Perhaps the most important rule-I try not to project my expectations on to the gift recipient.

So when you are giving a gift from the heart and it happens to be homemade-way to go! Create and share who you are!

Much Love,

Amy Lou

I moved a lot. I mean A LOT. Beaches, mountains, snow, sun, Midwest, southeast, north-ish. Opening myself to friendships was difficult for me. Shy to core. One summer I worked at the local VA hospital. A whole summer. When I left, one of the supervisors commented that he still hadn’t heard more than 5 words from my mouth in a single day. It’s safe to say that I’m not so shy now. I do find myself in moments where I want nothing more than to retreat back in to my shy corner of the world and just observe. 

But OH WHAT I WOULD MISS!

The people I have met, the lives that have changed me, the adventures and laughter that I hold dear. I would have missed out on so much! 

During that shy and introverted childhood, I grabbed on to creating. Any craft I wanted to try it. I didn’t succeed at them all and others took a lot of time to get to where I am. But I found a friend in crafting. So today let’s create something! Then challenge yourself to do something that scares you. Complementing a stranger. Being kind to a curmudgeon. Taking dinner to someone stressed or in need. Whatever it is, do it. 

Much Love,

Amy Lou

Ok! This is happening!

I have spent much of my life creating, dreaming, scheming and back to creating. I knew I wanted to share my knowledge with others but wasn’t quite sure how I wanted to.

And now my genius husband enters the picture. A blog, a Youtube channel, and patterns.

First I needed to get over the preconceived notions I had for myself of what I needed to be…who I needed to be. But here’s the reality I am enough. It’s okay that I have anxiety before teaching a class. It’s okay that I don’t know everything there is to know. But what’s not okay is procrastinating. I don’t have to change who I am to do what I love to do.

So HERE WE GO! Amy Lou Designs is launching! Tutorials, videos and patterns. So come along with me for this adventure. It will be fun! I’ll even share my creation fails and we can laugh together!

Back to that amazing husband of mine, when we got married I told him that he makes me feel like I could do anything. I still feel that only now I have the confidence to do it.

Much Love,

Amy Lou